To my Late Father
( * My Dad was unable to read this letter, as he had already expired by then * )
Capt. G.B. Chaturvedi, Anup Kumar Chaturvedi,
Calcutta, Miami, Florida
West Bengal, U.S.A.
India. Tel - (786)-354-6709
December 28th, 1998
Hello Pappa !
How are you ? I trust that you are in good health ! I know that you and Maa have practically given up on
me. I do not blame you folks for thinking like that regarding me. After all, I have been very rude and irresponsible to my
beloved parents and my loving brother and sisters. But please believe me that I still adore and love you in a similar way
that you care about me. I love you Maa, Guddu, Sweety, Bhavna and Chetna more than anything else. Please believe me when I
say that I have suffered tremendously in America. I have had bad luck in America, similarly like you had with "Indian Airlines".
America is still a great place to live in. If you can find success & prosperity in the United States, there is no place like
it anywhere else in the world. I have had a late start in life or lets put it plain simply, I have not been allowed to start
in life, despite my numerous attempts ! I have always been put down, for no fault of mine.
I have always kept in touch with what is happening in India with "India News" & frequently browsing the Internet. I have my
own Computer system at home and I browse the Internet for about 3-4 hours every day. I want you to know that I do not smoke
anymore. I quit about 7 years ago. I feel great. It was very difficult to quit, but I did it gradually over a period of 3
months. I cut down slowly until I completely quit. After I quit, I gained about 20 pounds. I now weigh 210 lbs. I am not fat
at all, but I do have a pot belly like yours. I do push-ups & sit-ups like you use to do, trying to loose that extra weight
around my stomach. But it never seems to disappear !
I have still not completed my Masters degree as yet ! I have been so damn busy that I have not had time to continue taking
night classes. I am thinking of enrolling once again, probably at the 'University of South Florida', at Tampa, Fl, this time
and completing my Masters degree. I want to return to India to see you, Maa and family after I get my Masters degree. I will
be a laughing stock, if I return now. People will say that he has been gone for 20 years & has still not finished his education.
Indian mentality is like that. Hell I should have finished my Doctorate by now !
Pappa, please take care of yourself. Please do not smoke and drink too much ! I know that you are a very disciplined alcohol
and tobacco user. Try and cut down on your consumption. I hope you have not started excessive drinking and smoking, on account
of me having not returned home as yet !!! Please do not over do it. Eat healthy and try to exercise just like you use to before
your semi-annual medical physicals. I want you and Maa to live to be 100 years old. Yes you can do it. Healthy nutrition & regular
exercise. Please relax and do not worry about what other people may say around you. They will just bullshit and gossip to take
your peace of mind away. This technique is called PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE. The Russians used it very effectively in the cold war.
It is quite similar to Brain-washing. People know your background history a little bit and they will just talk bullshit loud
around you , making sure that you hear it purposely, to upset you and make you loose your peace of mind. Think positively. Do
not believe in false rumours as they are not true. If people talk bullshit around you about me, ignore it as it is not true.
I want you and Maa to relax and think straight in what you are doing. I know that you constantly think of me. Good thoughts,
sometime bad thoughts. It is like a psychological trip. Always think good things about me. I will return home to India to see
the best Dad and Mom in the world. I will make sure that we will see each other. Please stay healthy and do not die on me. I
know that you will not die early. Stay healthy eat right and exercise. The bad days are almost over. Good times are ahead and
around the corner. Please give Maa a hug every day and spend more time with her. I am planning to send couple hundred $ a month
into your account. I wish you would rent a bigger house in the neighborhood, with 5 big rooms and a small lawn in the front.
A House of your dreams, one that you always wanted to have, but sacrificed so that you could save for the our (kids) education!
I love you very much. I do have a wierd feeling that you and Maa especially you, got really hurt and suffered a lot. Did somebody
tell you lies about me, and then insulted you in a very humiliating manner ? I have had terrible dreams & nightmares. I sometimes
feel that some people have really hurt my loving family. ! That includes you, my mother, brothers and sisters. Maybe all this
is not true but I have always had these evil thoughts, haunt me regularly all these years.
I was also very helpless and never knew what to write to you, because there was nothing new happening in my life. I had been
fired from my job with the "State of Illinois", for no fault of mine and was not getting any oppurtunities because there were
few people who were against me and accusing me of things that I did'nt do. I just said what I thought was right & should have
been done I suffered for no fault of mine.My only fault was that I was a sharp, good looking guy & extremely popular. No
body could could make an 'ass' out of me anywhere, in any situation, no matter how hard they tried. Americans do not like it
when they come across a foreigner who is smart & sharp. If you are silly & dumb, then they love it. Otherwise they don't
want you around. Everybody including the politicians, fellow Indians & my friends thought that I was guilty and stayed away
from me and gave me a cold shoulder. That's all. I was denied any good oppurtunity and my environment around me became very
cold, unfriendly & hostile. It made my life miserable.I had to start working in restaurants.Had to wash dishes in night!
Started working as a cook, eventually becoming a waiter. I applied many times to become a manager, but was denied even though
I had a college degree. This was because a lot of people never wanted me to get into 'Management'. They were simply jealous
and envious of me. They just wanted to keep me down at the lowest level !
But I have loved the Restaurant business ! When the job market is hard, a restaurant job is always there to help you. People
always go out to eat at restaurants. It is a multi-billion $ industry in the U.S. I applied to plenty of well paying 'white-
collar' jobs and went to numerous interviews, but was never selected or recalled for the final interview. I was being followed
by many people, who would go to all the places I had applied and spread false rumours & tell the employers not to hire me for
that particular job. I even could not qualify for the Navy's Aviation Officer Canditate School, because I was over the age-
limit by 1 year. I really felt frustrated. At the same time I always thought about you and maa. All my dreams were getting
shattered. What would I tell you and Maa ? I always felt miserable.
That is the principal reason, why I have not written to you on a regular basis to you, because there was nothing new or exciting
going on in my life. Please try to understand, I had so many 'Great Expectations' of me. They had all failed. All I had was the
dish washing job left and no room for improvement. I was embarrased. Something terrible had happened in my life and I could not
even utter a word about it or explain to anybody about it. Nobody would believe me anyway as I was a foreigner and these people
were all well to-do, upper-class, influential, white Americans. They had done me wrong and pretty soon almost the whole town
was talking about it. It was their word against mine. I was innocent. I cannot explain everything in the letter. Maybe when I come
to India, I shall explain everything. You will be proud of me ! I did and said what I thought was right. That was my judgement !
Carolyn has been very nice to me and said not to worry. America is a hard life. It is not a bed of roses. Her Grand-parents had
imigrated from Ireland and (she was of Irish-German descent) had been through the great depression of the 1930's, when there
was famine and periods of unemployment for almost 3 years. She said do not give up and keep trying. " You are your 1st Generation
of Indian in your family to immigrate to the United States. The 1st generation always suffers. Later on through hard work and
oppurtunities you can become a Millionaire ".
I am fine that way, except that I miss you, Maa, Guddu, Bhavna, Chetna and Sweety very much ! I am in good health & still look
darn good. I am 40 and sometimes get mistaken for 25 years of age. I have maintained my pride just like you did.I am not going
to kiss anybodys ass or dick ! Maybe this attitude of mine, could very well be the principal reason, why I have had so much bad
luck in the U.S. I am trying to change now and keep quiet and act humble and at the same time keep my head on my shoulder. Please
let me about your Bank # so that I can start transfering few hundred dollars a month. I owe you a hell of a lot. But I am on a
very tight budget at the present moment. Also give Maa a big hug for me !!